"I could NEVER..."

I've heard it more times over the past several years than I can recollect:

"I could NEVER homeschool my kids. I... don't have the patience/am not a teacher/need my alone time/......) "

My response is always the same: "You could if you felt like you were supposed to."

I never thought I would homeschool. I'd grown up in the public school system. I had gone to college to be an elementary music specialist. I pictured my kids experiencing the same basic educational plan that I had gone through.

But then my oldest got to second grade. And he became more and more unhappy every day. He was changing before my eyes and I had no idea why. After a few months, parent-teacher conferences came, and I had signed up in the second slot of the day. I sat out in the hall, waiting for the teacher to finish up with the parent and student before me... and as I sat there I could hear the teacher talking to a mom and her daughter...

She was going on about a kid in her class... who didn't finish his work... and that the whole class was trying to help him get his work done...

Why was she talking about another child to this mom? It hit me funny and made me uncomfortable. I knew it wasn't MY son she was talking about, because I hadn't heard a word from her about any problems with him finishing his work....

...and then I went in and sat down. After saying hello, she reached down and pulled out a file folder, an inch thick, and said that it was all of the work my son hadn't finished in class.

I was dumbfounded. I felt like I'd been struck. Everything hit me at once. Yes, it WAS MY SON she was talking about... so not only was my son not finishing his work, this teacher had not made any effort in that first couple of months to let me know he was struggling, and she had been talking about my son to other parents and students... and he had become their class project.

The next few months were full of doctors appointments, trying ADHD meds in hopes they'd help him focus, finding out he was the only kid in his class not getting recess (the only thing at this point he looked forward to), and then getting him tested by the school psychologist, which took weeks. When it was all said and done, the psychologist told me he was ahead in every subject, even though he wasn't doing the worksheets his teacher used, he understood and was retaining everything... and that there really had been no point in doing all of that testing, because we knew he was smart and the testing was to identify kids who are struggling in their learning enough to require extra support... which he didn't need.... so......??? I was so confused. Why had they even suggested it in the first place?

Now. Back up. Soon after the Parent Teacher Conference, I had a nudging that kept coming to me to look into homeschooling...

...but I didn't want to homeschool. I had no idea how to homeschool.

So I kept brushing that feeling aside...

Week after week passed, and I kept hoping the new ideas and extra efforts would help. They didn't. He started being bullied in his class and all of his clothes had holes around the neck and wrist cuffs from him anxiously chewing on them...

When I heard he was the only kid in his class not being allowed to go to recess, I sent his teacher an email and told her I wasn't ok with that. She agreed that the rule she had set up specifically targeting him was unfair (kids could only go to recess if their work was done... he was the only kid not finishing his work)...

The next day I was so excited to see how his day went since he got recess, right?? No, she still had kept him in from recess. I was so frustrated. At this point I decided I would pull him out soon to homeschool him.

Soon afterward, he had a morning appointment with the pediatrician. I mentioned my plan of homeschooling to the doctor and his response was "well, let's not do anything hasty... " and I agreed... what was I thinking...we would try other things first.

We left the doctor's office and headed to the school... suddenly my son asked where we were going. "We're on our way to the school." I said. His face fell and for the first time EVER he told me he didn't want to go.

And that's when I had the clearest impression I've ever had enter my mind:

"Why are you trusting the doctor over me? I've already told you you're supposed to homeschool him."

"Okay!" I said out loud "We're going home!"

And that was it. He never went back.

Two years later, his younger sister came home, too.

Now I have to say, I don't have bitter feelings towards his teacher. I'm sure she was doing the best she knew how to do. And honestly, I feel like we had to go through such a hard experience for me to be willing to homeschool our kids... I don't think I would have come to that decision and made that HUGE LEAP of faith, without things getting so hard.

And it WAS hard. I was super unsure of myself. Looking back, I was doing a great job! I wish I could go back and tell myself to squash all of those doubts and fears... stop worrying about what other people were thinking... just ENJOY it more and really run with the things my kids were feeling passionate about.

But the biggest thing I learned was when you know you need to do something, you will find a way. You may fail... I mean learn your way through the process, but that is okay. Just keep going. Just keep trying. Keep praying, and you will have extra help, extra strength, and extra inspiration for those days you're not sure you can keep going. YOU know your kids better than anybody else. YOU are entitled to inspiration for them that nobody else can get. It will work out!

You can do it, Mama!

~Angie