"I'm NOT cut out for this!"

Mama, I hear you. 2020 has brought all sorts of crazy to life. One of the biggest crazies for a lot of moms is having their kids at home doing school instead of off at a brick and mortar school building.

I keep reading about the struggles my friends are having. So many have come to me and said:

"I don't know how you do what you do!?!"

"This isn't working for me!"

"I'm just not cut out for this!"

...and I think to myself, "Me either, Mama! Me either!"

I am not doing what you are doing.

I don't wrangle with zoom meetings, Canva assignments, devices, or sitting with kids for hours on end to get through another worksheet or busywork assignment that they just don't want to do .

I was there once.

We did public school online for about a year and a half. The first year wasn't unbearable... I had one child in online public school, and another in regular public school. That year was spent mainly in front of a computer screen, going over lessons that repeated information over and over until we were both bored to tears. I remember sitting there so sad.. this wasn't what I had envisioned for homeschooling. But I didn't dare do anything else... I wanted to make sure we didn't miss anything important in my son's education.

The second year is what broke me. I had two kids in online public school. Having them both on screens for so much of the day affected the way they acted. The stress of trying to get them to stay on the computer and do their work every day when they really just wanted to go and read books they were interested in, do art projects, cooking projects, building projects, and play together was SO hard. And looking back, they were so little! Just in first and fourth grade. I also had two babies under 2 and was pregnant with my fifth child.

I still remember that winter day when felt like I broke. My mom came to help with my kids and I drove to a hotel and slept for hours. I was exhausted. I was depressed. It didn't help that it was winter and I hadn't had a good night's sleep for three years.

I reached out to three different friends who had both been homeschooling for a long time and they all said the same thing... public school online had worn out almost every mom they knew who had tried it. Two of them recommended I read a book about agency-based education, and it gave me the courage to let go of what I could see wasn't what my kids needed, and to start to try and create what they did need.

It wasn't perfect.

We still had hard days.

But I would never go back and do what we were doing before, and I am so sorry that so many of you are being mandated do do it.

Public school at home is NOT homeschooling.

So if you're struggling, take a step back and ask yourself what is working and what isn't. What could make doing school at home not only bearable, but a beautiful experience for you and your kids?

I know it's not the answer for everybody to homeschool the way I try to. But if you're struggling and your kids are, too, please remember this one important truth:

YOU are in charge of you child's education. And when it's all said and done, YOU answer to GOD. Not the teacher, principal, school district, or state. Yes. Follow the laws of your state. I'm not saying to go against them. But be your child's advocate and a real steward of what education looks like for YOUR family. Be deliberate about what you are allowing and what you are not.

Stress and frustration are not conducive to an effective learning environment for anybody. And an exhausted, stretched-too-thin mama, who is breaking herself trying to do school at home the way she's told she has to, will not be able to be the mom she was born to be.

Learning at home can be beautiful. Effective. Peaceful. And full of Joy.

Not every day or all the time... there will still be chaos and frustration and exhaustion sometimes. But when kids are learning things because they're interested in them, and you're making connections together as a family in all the different areas you're learning about, there can be consistent moments of absolute joy and magic!

For now, you've got my heart-felt prayers, mamas. Raising these little humans is the most important work we will ever do! More than anything, I want you to know that you ARE cut out for this, whatever that is in your life. Partnered with God, you are the exactly what your kids need!

You can do it, Mama!

~Angie